When I Grow Up.

My kids are at the ages when people start asking what they want to be when they grow up. Whether hearing it from teachers, friends or family, my children are starting to be curious about who they are and what they want to be. They are learning to identify themselves by their likes and dislikes, wants and needs. Boiling this down to an answer of how they identify themselves as a career choice can feel both exciting and overwhelming at the same time.

My oldest says she wants to be an art teacher. She loves and has a gift of art, and she has natural leadership and nurturing qualities that would make for a great teacher. She knows her strengths and her talents, and I encourage her in what she is good at, whether it is her creativity or gymnastics or the qualities I see in her. She has a strong sense of self, who she is and what she wants and isn’t afraid to express her desires or go after it. I love this about her, and it can also be challenging as a parent with her strong-willed nature. 

My youngest isn’t as certain as to what she wants to be, and I honestly don’t ask her either. I like to call out her talents and gifts. She loves and has a gift of art, just like her sister, and she has a natural musical talent as well. She has a heart of gold and loves to help people, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she were in human services or some kind of healthcare field someday. The world is her oyster. She too has a strong sense of self, even though she doesn’t know what she wants to be. She knows her likes and dislikes, gifts and strengths. She knows who she is.

I think this is the question we need to start asking. This is what we need to start encouraging as parents, as teachers, as people who see gifts and talents in each other. I think instead of focusing on what we want to be, we need to start looking within at who we are and who we want to be. Because as much as it can be difficult to admit, we aren’t identified by our career choice, our wealth, our successes or failures, but rather by the quality of our character.

I sit here at a crossroads in my life, not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. For the past few months, I have toyed with the idea of going back to school, considering different options as to what I want to do. The choices feel exciting at best, but also overwhelming. I know who I am, and I know what my strengths are, and yet I am uncertain as to what to do. I also know what I don’t want to do. This summer I felt the pull so strongly I felt it was calling me to go back to school now, but now I am feeling that the answer is to wait.

So instead of jumping into something, instead of aimlessly wandering and trying to identify who I am by my career, I am remembering to take a step back and pursue this one day at a time. To focus on my strengths, to keep writing, to trust in the process and the path that is in front of me. Who I am isn’t found in my job; it is found within me.

I know sometimes the answer isn’t always clear cut, that wisdom can come from small voices within or even from people I love and trust. As a good friend recently reminded me, sometimes the answer could be not right now, but someday. My prayer today is that I would hear more of that voice, that God would whisper his wisdom and guide my feet along the path that is before me. I approach it with excitement, trust and anticipation, knowing that chasing my talents, desires and dreams—who I am and what I want—will lead me to where I want to go.

I know who I am: I am brave, yet I am vulnerable, I am strong, yet also weak. I am filled with passion and compassion. I want to love and be loved. To give and receive God’s love. I want to embrace the gifts that have been given to me. I am a seeker of justice and truth. I am a writer, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am so much more than I ever knew that I could be. I am looking to the future with both uncertainty and confidence, knowing that God is with me every step of the way. I trust and believe. One day at a time.