At this year’s Olympic Games, Simone Biles was poised to dominate artistic women’s gymnastics and go home with the all-around gold medal and help win the gold medal for the American team.
Her withdrawal from multiple events last week stunned the world as she chose to focus on her mental health rather than succumb to the pressure to perform when she wasn’t in the right mind. Getting lost mid-air in her vault, Simone realized that she needed to take care of herself mind and body before she could dangerously injure herself.
I can’t even fathom the extent of the pressure she is under as the GOAT, the things Simone has had to endure as an elite gymnast, or the frustration and anger she’s felt from the lack of support by the USA Gymnastics organization for the covered up assault she went through for years. However, I will say this: I applaud Simone for being willing to step up and set boundaries for herself. To recognize that her mental health and safety as a gymnast are more important than winning.
During the all-around competition, as I watched Suni Lee prior to her final tumbling routine before clinching her gold medal, I saw her hands shaking and watched Suni place her hand on her stomach, breathing in and out to calm her nerves before starting her routine. She too felt the pressure and needed to find herself in the midst of it.
Breathing. Finding her center. Both of these women modeled courage in different ways. Courage to listen to themselves. To catch their breath and find what they needed in order to succeed—both on and off the mat. Because their true success is in their strength of character and not in what they accomplish.
What I’ve appreciated about what has happened this last week is the conversation it has started around mental health and prioritizing self-care over self-sabotage, or being true to yourself and what you need.
If I’m totally honest, I haven’t been completely true to myself and what I need this past year and a half as a widow and solo parent in the midst of Covid. I’ve had hard days and easier days and some great days and just days that are longer than long. I’ve grieved but also have let myself “get lost in the air” as I busy myself with day-to-day tasks, parenting, scrolling social media or watching mindless television.
I have mentioned before the anxiety I’ve dealt with, the elephant on the chest feeling, the pit in the stomach that comes and goes. This high functioning anxiety allows me to push through, to tackle what needs to get done, to live in hypervigilance despite the stress and the weight of grief, but I’ve come to recognize that the pressure of the weight I’m carrying is getting to be too heavy. I can’t keep carrying on as I have been. So here I am, nearly 1.5 years after losing David, recognizing that my mental health matters not just for me, but for my girls too, and I’m prioritizing more meaningful self-care. Not the pamper yourself kind of self-care, but I have decided to meet with a counselor to walk with me in my healing journey.
One day at a time. My mantra since the beginning. Healing is a journey and not one that can be resolved overnight. It could be argued that we are all healing from our own wounds. Our own losses. Who’s to say that we couldn’t all benefit from prioritizing our own mental health? We take sick days when we are sick, and let’s be honest, mental health days when we need them (although probably not as often as we should). We go to the doctor when we aren’t feeling well physically and we ought to normalize going to a professional when we feel that we could use the support to get through hard times.
I know that this step is just one of many in my healing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this past year it is that grief is not linear. You don’t just start and stop over time. Grief changes you and comes and goes in waves. The waves become less tumultuous and windy but they are still there.
So for today I choose trust. I trust in myself and my inner voice that tells me to pause. To pause and to trust in every part of the healing process – even the hard parts. Trusting requires a continual surrender to the path and the process. But trust doesn’t always have to be about martyrdom, either. Trust and faith require me to let go and be present, letting things be as they are. Giving in to the here and now and letting myself be fully present in it.
The here and now is messy and hard and painful but it is also beautiful and exquisite and filled with good things…I just have to be patient through the process and take care of every aspect of myself, letting myself receive fully God’s grace and love. And when I do, that is the true mark of courage, a strength that truly is remarkable.
She Speaks True Words 
4 thoughts on “Self care takes real courage.”