I see the blue that surrounds me: the mist that sprays up from the crashing waves, the water lifting me higher with each crest, sending me floating with each rise and fall. Instinctively I fight against the current, trying to swim upstream and catch my breath, attempting to find my way back to where I came from. I resist the flow of the current, not knowing which way it’s going, uncertain of what is coming with each passing turn.
Lately I’ve felt like I am no longer floating or swimming upstream, but rather, I am being tossed in the murky, choppy waters, not knowing where life’s turns are taking me and trying to understand and find my way. Today I looked up the passage in James 1 that references this metaphor of being like a wave of the sea, and I came upon these words:
“Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line—mature, complete, and wanting nothing. If you don’t have all the wisdom needed for this journey, then all you have to do is ask God for it; and God will grant all that you need…The key is that your request be anchored by your single-minded commitment to God. Those who depend on their own judgment are like those lost on the seas, carried away by any wave or picked up by any wind.” (James 1:2-6, The Voice)
Another translation (NIV) says we are like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind, and rather than hardships teaching us patience, the translation uses the word perseverance.
No matter how you slice or translate it, I hardly feel like I am persevering or patient most, if not all, days. My mantra for more than a year has been “One day at a time.” Also known as “put one foot in front of the other and keep going, no matter how hard it may seem.” I suppose that has helped me to withstand the hardships thrown at me, but yet I still resist them. I still want to swim upstream rather than let the current take me into the unknown. Into the place that requires me to fully surrender and trust.
And let’s be honest…the idea of embracing hardships and finding joy in them feels next to impossible. Now, I’m not saying I am completely lacking joy in my life. My girls bring me an immeasurable amount of joy. There are some beautiful things and people in this life that bring me joy. But the joy that comes from embracing my life’s circumstances, no matter how difficult…I’m not there. Not even close.
As I think about what would cause me to experience this deep, soul-quenching, embrace-the-hard-things joy, I realize that the words are written before me: “… be anchored by your single-minded commitment to God.”
Part of the reason I feel so tossed in this murky sea is because I’m trying to find my way and know what’s next, rather than letting go, trusting and asking for wisdom. I’m not letting myself be anchored by my faith. My faith is there…but I am not letting it keep me grounded. Anchored to the truth. So that I am not finding myself blown and tossed like the wind or swimming upstream.
When I am anchored, I am holding onto God’s promises. When I am anchored, I am connected to God’s love. When I am anchored, I am near to God’s presence. And now I can clearly see the truth: God’s promises, love and presence are what bring us true joy in the midst of our hardships.
That is why we must remain anchored. As I consider all these things and how I might invite more joy into my life, I am holding onto a new mantra:
My faith is my anchor and my faith anchors me.
She Speaks True Words 
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