Writing for me is a way to process my emotions. It feels more than a little vulnerable to share them with others, but in a way, it is also therapeutic. To know that I am not alone in feeling the way that I do, and to also feel supported by people I care about. In a time when we feel separated by this global pandemic, now more than ever we need each other, even if it is by virtual means or a six-foot distance.
One thing that I have noticed and kind of appreciate during this time is a sense of collective vulnerability. Social media has become an outlet to share our grief and our struggles. We are no longer sugarcoating our everyday lives in the midst of Covid-19, and we feel a sense of connection to each other in the middle of these hard times.
The reality is, this isn’t easy. By any means. The past few days have been more of an emotional struggle for me. I just barely have started to go through Dave’s things, and I realized that I just am not ready to do much yet. It’s going to be a process, as I give myself grace to do what I have strength for each day, rather than rushing the process. Grieving in the midst of a pandemic is hard beyond words. In a time when you don’t want to be or feel alone…it hurts and feels unnatural.
I am grateful beyond words for my girls, who give me a renewed strength and joy, even when the days are long and trying. Being a single parent in and of itself is hard, and part of my struggles lately have been feeling that I am not very self sufficient, as I have had to call on my neighbors for help with a variety of tasks that Dave used to do. I’m learning that I have a lot to learn, and I am learning that people want to help even when I feel like the opposite is true.
Even when I struggle on the hardest of days, I am also learning that God’s grace is sufficient, and His outpouring of love is abundant. The way God shows His love for me through my neighbors’ help, through friends and family reaching out and checking in and praying for me, through my girls bringing light and joyful moments when my heart feels heavy…I am so thankful for this outpouring of love. It is by the power of the Holy Spirit that I have the peace and strength to get through each day.
Vulnerability is hard, but it can also be beautiful. There is a comfort in knowing we are not alone, and there is beauty in connection with those around us. We are made for this connection, for love, for relationship with one another. Even though it looks a lot different right now, we still can reach out when we need help, and ask for our loved ones to walk alongside us as we endure. Withstanding the trials and running the race together.
I pray that we all may continue find ourselves more vulnerable and more connected, finding joy, peace, comfort and beauty where our hearts deeply need renewal and love.
She Speaks True Words 
3 thoughts on “Vulnerability.”